tinky´s blog

So… as some of you know, from talking to my sis, i have once again been in hospital for a longer period of time, and recently got back home. I will not go into details about the hospital thingie but its been up and down, and if you want to know more feel free to talk to me in sl or just mail me at jannesimo@gmail.com.

Its been some long months, but i have come to settle with that fact. There will be times when i need to be in hospital for a uncertain amount of time, every now and then. But for now i am hoooome YeeeeY and it feels great. I am not pain free, but i manage in my own way, i am stubborn as a brick wall, and what doesn’t kill me, sure as hell better run faster than me

Mija is always there for me, and i think even in the period where i was sedated for a period, i knew and felt this deep in my mind, and its so good to come back and feel her love and her warmth, she is absolutely my rock in all this turbulence. Well and she still is a brat needless to say but i love her with all my heart, my sis!!

Grins, i have been keeping myself super busy since i got home, ( i hope my doc dont read this as i am not taking things easy) i have been “asleep” for way to long to take it easy, i washed the whole house(its insane how much dust that grows all over even when not beeing at home), i even took time to help a friend with some audio/video editing and it feeeeeels Greeeeeaaat !.
I know my limitations, and as soon as i feel it uncomfortable i take a rest, or if i get in bad pain i just flat out in bed and alert the nurse that i am “down”, so when i get sick i am not alone, i have the nurse here 3 times a day.:)

Gah … i have taken more than enaugh of your time!… I missed you all loooots….!!

Mija… MWAAAAAAAAAAAAH !

First of all I want to thank you all for beeing my friends, allways asking and allways keeping me in your thoughts, i am honored to have you all.
I know i have not been around alot lately, but as you all know i am sick, and life sends me on a rollercoaster of pain. Lately i have been down to put it mildly, very sick, and been living in bed sadly. I was supposed to be sendt to the University hospital up north, but i was to sick to travel so i am awaiting for a new chance to go there.

I have not forgotten you at all, its just that i have been more sick lately than i can really handle. I been pumped full of drugs and had no option to stay in bed.  I am hoping that i soon get a better period and can be with you all again as i miss you terribly!!!

My dear dear dear sister, gosh … you are on my mind every day, every hour, and every minute! Jeg elsker deg! more than you can ever know sis. I miss you madly !!! but know sis that you are never alone, i am allways there with you in my thoughts sis. I am even there when you “steal” your boss’s seat at work and you sit at his desk !:P  yupp i am there all the time my beloved sister!

i will return soon

Kisses to all my good friends
MWAAAh mija!

I have updated my blogs, with some new links both on the side and on the top.
Links that will send you to my sparkling new photoblog!!! and also will provide you with some live webcam feeds from where i live as well as live weather information.
All links will open a new tab so you will not leave my blog when clicking my new links !!:) i hope you like this new additions!

When reality bites.

Those of you who know me, know that I had some bumps in life the last year.
After the car accident i had some surgeries, coma and more surgeries, but i have allways looked on the bright side of it no matter how sick i have been. I was lucky to survive, and with only minor permanent damage, only a little memory problems. Scars i dont care about as they are flesh only… I even said to the surgeon last time i was beeing prepared for surgery, ” can you not put in a zipper, this way you dont need to cut me open more times, you can only zip me open”.. he laughed so hard and told me that if this is the view i have on the things .. it will all be good.

I am healing good from all this, but when i was last time at the doctor for my checkups, gosh .. just writing about it makes me twist… well he printed out this chart and showed me a lot of numbers, and pointed to the values and then to the reference values. Beeing a nurse i had the talk to my doc, that he is never to sugarcoat something.. so he dont at all.  Well as i dont know how to translate the names of the values, i will just say that some blood values should be within 10-70… and i scored allmost 500… and on others i was up around 300 and then other values  where off the chart as well..  So what this means for me is that i have a serious liver infection to cut to the chase.

If its treatable or not, we dont know yet, we took alot of samples, and now i have to go 1 month!!!!!!!! and wait for all the tests to come back as it takes a while to grow some of the sample cultures, and then maybe next is a liver biopsy. So my head keeps chewing on this, and my mind wanders all the time, i cant concentrate at all.. i rarely sleep at all longer.. pains come and go, and every day i feel more and more worn out. I fall asleep sometimes.. and wakes up 15 minutes later.. this can go all night long.  I know that I am lucky to live where i do, as we have free healthcare here, but i also have been in the system to know that if it comes to the point that i need a liver transplant .. i am in deep trouble, as not many donors in  this land are available. And yes i know its not positive thinking, but i am also a realist, and i have good knowledge about medicine and prognoses.
I hope for the best and prepare for the worst, allways have and allways will.  Please forgive me for all the typos but i have not had a good full nights sleep in godknows how long.

Those of you who know me well knows that i have a huge “hole” in life, and that i misses my mother alot, may she Rest in peace, however the other night she brought a smile on my face, in a somewhat grim thought ,  i realized if this is going south, i will meet my mama soon, and that is a thoght that makes me smile big. I know that i have seen alot in my life, and participated in things that many people only watch on tv.. or read about, i had a rich life, and i am blessed with good friends. So i am thinking .. if my time this time is slowly closing in, its not the worst thing for me, and to be honest, i feel ready for it and it do not scare me at all.

Status quo now is that i can be called into the hospital on a very short warning, if some of the tests are really bad, and i have to put my rl on pause for now, i can not cope with all the things that rl has to offer, i stay often in bed exhausted, phone on silent and just isolated more and more. I log on to sl when i can to meet good and loved friends and my deeply beloved sis, as i love her more and more each minute. She is a huge support for me nowadays.
But i felt like updating my blog as it seems people ask how i am seeing i am not much around. If you read this, and feel like commenting it, feel free to do so. I know its harsh reading but i am not a fan of sugarcoating things so i felt like dealing the truth as it was delt to me.

Your tinky..
*kisses mija dearly*

So often we use the phrase “ as the old saying goes”, and this time i feel like using this phrase as well.
The phrase on my mind is “You never know what you have, till its lost.”, but as always I want to put my own twist to it.  Not having lost in that meaning, but being gone for a long time. This gives the same effect I will say.  It has been some weeks now without any connection at all, due to some changing of main cables.  Well not been 100% cut off as I have been online via my cellphone now and then. But I have also been sick during this period, so my time around the ones I miss have been sparse.

Beeing away for this long really makes me see how deep a footprint you have left in my life, I often feel on my body  how much I miss you people,  my mija… oh my mija just typing your name brings tears to the corner of my eyes. There is not many hours of my life that passes without me thinking about my dear sister. It’s not only a sl thing, this connection is way stronger, our talks sis they are impossible to even say with words, how much they mean to me. You are my strength, you are my willpower sis, you are truly my everything , you call it as you see it sis, and you are so understanding with me, even when I am not myself … I am so proud to be able to have you in my life the way you are sis. I love you more than words or letters ever will be able to explain..

Tony and mamacel, gosh I miss you so bad, normally I feel closer to you when I play my blues, for some strange reason. But with being sick lately and spending time in my bed just resting, and no music around, just total silence have made the missing feeling stronger.  I often think about the quality time we spend,  gosh we have some good talks.  Tony, you and me can talk about just anything between heaven and hell, and gosh when we get into the blues and how it makes us feel…
MamaCel … oh dear mamacel, so warm .. so loving and supportive no matter what..gosh how I miss your hugs and our time together, even if its only a brief meeting for a hug before you head off to bed. ( darned timezones)

If I am to write a chapter for all of my good friends , this will end and you would all fall asleep long before you are half way trough .. but Kif, Inga, Miss Mama, and my kitty (ewer)  and all the other I should really remember. Sadly my head is not working properly at the moment . I am at the university hospital now, and haven’t slept 1 hour before I had to drive 4-5 hours to get here. I am at a point where I think I could not even  find my nose if someone showed it to me.

Often I am asked how this pain effects me,and I know I am not doing a good job explaining it , so I will do another try now. It varies a lot, from the “regular” headache that just makes me a little cranky,up to the point where it keeps  me awake for hours and sometimes for days.  The pain is most often described as … someone drilling a glowing hot piece of iron trough my back head, and neck,  it varies  in intensity, but at worst it makes me throw up  just from the pain, and combine that with being unable to sleep for 4-5 days in row, you can all see how this is ending.  So I know this was not a very nice image to give, but it’s the brutal truth, and also the reason I am here at the university hospital.  (sorry for typos as the morphine shot the doctor gave me is now kicking in )

Back to me missing things ( yeah I know most of you people probably stopped reading by now)
but by God I miss the music, the blues, the tones that really hit my deepest corners of my soul , I am looking so forward to being able to enjoy that again, just to have the music fill my life again.. gosh.
 Well you are all in luck .. I have to go for now as new tests have to be done..  

(to be continued)

Burning Life 09

Oh my god, its awesome, i have been working on the area now for some months in various roles, and also looked around, Its so amazing to see all the AWESOME builds that are there, all the art, the music, the sounds, the stages, and least but not last the people.
Who are this people that comes and lives on the playa at burning life ? … answer?.. its easy .. its the everyday man and woman that has a need to express something, and that want to be a part of a community that is absolutely rare but awsome.  When i say art i don’t mean just pictures, but also sound art, enviromental art its art in all shape and forms.

I am so looking forward till we open the doors and let the people in on the 17. sooo only a few days to go. If you dont know what burning life is, more info can be found H E R E So pack your backpacks folks and come join me in Burning Life soon, its not a happening, its a way of life. As soon as you get bitten by it, you are hooked for life.
By working with the people both behind Burning Life, and the people who work in the front lines, i  have made one decision, I will travel and participate in the real Burning Man festival soon !!

Am i excited ???..nooo not at all Gosh Gosh Gosh i cant wait till you all can come see it with me!!:P

Mwaaaaaaah mija

Tinky the Burning lifer for life!